What grief can look like
Grief can affect people emotionally, physically, socially, spiritually, and psychologically. People may experience grief in different ways and at different times.
Some people may experience:
- Sadness, anger, guilt, relief, numbness, or confusion.
- Difficulty concentrating or making decisions.
- Changes in sleep, appetite, or energy levels.
- Feelings of loneliness or disconnection.
- Changes in identity, beliefs, or sense of purpose.
- A desire for connection, or a need for space and solitude.
- Strong emotional reactions around anniversaries, birthdays, and significant dates.
Grief is not something people “get over.” Instead, people often learn to live alongside their loss while finding ways to move forward and make meaning in their lives.
Alongside sadness and loss, people may experience:
- Shock, disbelief, or confusion.
- Intense sadness, anger, guilt, regret, or relief.
- A need to understand why the death occurred.
- Unanswered questions that may never be fully resolved.
- Thoughts about whether they could have done something differently.
- Feelings of isolation or disconnection from others.
- Concerns about stigma, judgement, or how people may respond.
Unlike some other forms of bereavement, grief following suicide can be complicated by the search for answers. People may spend time trying to understand what happened, why it happened, or whether there were signs they missed. It is important to remember that these questions are common and understandable responses to a traumatic loss.
People bereaved by suicide may also experience stigma. Friends, family members, colleagues, and community members may feel unsure what to say, worry about saying the wrong thing, or avoid discussing the loss altogether. While usually well intended, this can leave the person feeling unsupported, isolated, or unable to talk openly about the person they have lost.
For some people, the loss may affect their sense of safety, trust, identity, beliefs, or understanding of the world. Grief following suicide can be both a bereavement experience and, for some, a traumatic experience.
Supporting someone bereaved through suicide
When someone has lost a person through suicide, there are rarely perfect words and there are often no easy answers.
The most helpful support is usually not about knowing what to say. It is about being present, compassionate, and willing to sit alongside the person’s grief.
Helpful approaches may include:
- Acknowledging the person’s loss.
- Listening without judgement.
- Allowing the person to talk about the person who died if they wish.
- Respecting that everyone grieves differently.
- Avoiding assumptions, blame, or attempts to explain the death.
- Checking in regularly over time, not just immediately after the loss.
- Remembering anniversaries, birthdays, and significant dates can be particularly difficult.
Simple statements can often be the most meaningful:
- “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
- “I’m here to listen.”
- “I care about you.”
- “I don’t have the right words, but I am here.”
- “Would you like to tell me about them?”
You do not need to have answers. Often, people remember who stayed, listened, and showed compassion far more than they remember what was said.
Being present when there are no answers
Loss can leave people with questions that may never be fully answered. This can be particularly true following a sudden, traumatic, or unexpected death, but it can also occur with many other forms of loss.
It is natural to want to understand why something happened, make sense of what has been lost, or find ways to ease another person’s pain. However, grief often involves living alongside uncertainty, unanswered questions, and emotions that can change over time.
Supporting someone through grief does not require you to have solutions, explanations, or the “right” words. Often, the most meaningful support comes from being willing to sit with uncertainty and allowing the person to experience their grief in their own way and at their own pace.
This may involve:
- Acknowledging that some questions may not have clear answers.
- Accepting that grief can be complicated and unpredictable.
- Giving people permission to experience a wide range of emotions.
- Resisting the urge to minimise, explain away, or “fix” their pain.
- Recognising that healing and adjustment take time.
- Continuing to offer care and connection, even when there is little you can say or do to change the situation.
Being present is not about finding the perfect response. It is about creating space for people to feel heard, respected, and supported as they navigate their own experience of loss.
