Looking after yourself

Supporting someone through a difficult time can be meaningful, but it can also impact your own wellbeing.

You do not need to carry everything alone. Looking after yourself is not selfish. It helps you stay healthy, sustainable and able to support others when you choose to.

Being supportive does not mean taking responsibility for someone else’s wellbeing or putting your own needs aside.

You can care deeply about someone while still maintaining healthy boundaries.

Boundaries help protect your wellbeing and create realistic expectations about the support you can provide.

Remember:

• You are a supporter, not a counsellor.
• You do not need to have all the answers.
• You are not responsible for solving someone else’s problems.
• It is okay to say no.
• It is okay to take a break when you need one.

Support works best when it feels sustainable for everyone involved.

There may be times when someone shares details that feel difficult, distressing or overwhelming for you to hear.

It is okay to recognise your own limits.

Being supportive does not mean you need to absorb every detail of someone’s experience.

Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is acknowledge what someone is going through while gently guiding the conversation back to what they need right now.

Sometimes it may be appropriate to be honest about your own capacity.

You might say:

• “I really want to support you, but I’m finding this a bit difficult to process.”
• “I care about what you’re going through. Can we focus on how you’re feeling and what support you need right now?”
• “I don’t think I need all the details to understand that this has been very difficult.”
• “Would it help to talk with someone who has more specialised skills and support available?”

Setting a boundary is not rejecting someone. It can help keep the conversation safe and supportive for both of you.

Supporting someone else can be emotionally demanding.

Sometimes people become so focused on helping others that they do not notice their own wellbeing being affected.

You might be feeling emotionally drained if you:

• feel exhausted or overwhelmed
• worry constantly about someone else
• struggle to switch off or relax
• feel guilty when prioritising yourself
• become frustrated, irritable or withdrawn
• feel responsible for another person’s wellbeing

Recognising these signs does not mean you are failing.

It may be a sign that you need additional support, rest or time to focus on your own wellbeing.

Supporting someone else does not mean doing it alone.

Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is recognise when you need support too.

Support may come from:

• trusted friends or family
• community groups
• workplace supports
• a GP or healthcare professional
• counselling or wellbeing services

Seeking support for yourself is not a sign of weakness.

It is an important part of maintaining your own wellbeing and continuing to support others in a way that feels healthy and sustainable.

Remember:
You are allowed to take care of yourself.

Supporting others is important, but your wellbeing matters too.

Looking after yourself helps ensure you can continue showing up with care, compassion and confidence.

Supporting someone through a difficult conversation can affect you too.

It is natural to want to talk about your own feelings and experiences afterwards, particularly if the conversation was upsetting, confronting or emotionally demanding.

At the same time, it is important to remember that someone else’s story belongs to them.

When seeking support for yourself:

• Avoid sharing identifying details about the other person.
• Focus on your own feelings, reactions and support needs rather than the specifics of their experience.
• Think carefully about who you talk to and why.
• Consider whether a trusted professional may be a more appropriate source of support for particularly complex or distressing situations.

You might say:

• “I had a difficult conversation recently and I’m finding it hard to process.”
• “Someone shared something important with me and I’d like support managing my own response.”
• “I’m feeling overwhelmed by a situation and would appreciate someone to talk it through with.”

These approaches allow you to seek support while respecting the privacy and trust of the person who confided in you.

Remember:
Supporting someone does not mean carrying their story alone.

But it also does not mean sharing their story widely.

Where possible, seek support in ways that protect both your wellbeing and the privacy, dignity and trust of the other person.